So You’re Thinking About Polyamory? Here’s Where to Start.

Stepping into polyamory isn’t just about dating multiple people — it’s about unlearning, relearning, and building love with intention.

If you’re curious about polyamory or just beginning your journey, welcome. You’re not alone. Whether you're coming from monogamy, newly exploring your queerness, or simply asking yourself, “Could love look different for me?” — here are some grounding tips to help you start polyamory with clarity, care, and courage.

💬 1. Get Real With Yourself First

Before you open up your relationship — open up yourself. Ask:

• Why am I drawn to polyamory?

• What do I want more of in love, connection, or freedom?

• What am I afraid of?

Journaling, therapy, or using a poly workbook (like the one I’m creating 👀) can help you sort through your motivations, desires, and values before involving anyone else.

🧠 2. Study Before You Leap

Love is natural, but polyamory is a skill. Read, listen, and learn:

• Read books like The Ethical Slut, Polysecure, or Love’s Not Color Blind

• Listen to podcasts like Multiamory or Normalizing Non-Monogamy

• Follow polyamorous educators who align with your lived experience (especially Black, queer, and neurodivergent voices if that’s your lane)

Knowledge won’t protect you from all the bumps, but it’ll help you swerve a few potholes.

🗣️ 3. Communicate Like It’s Your Superpower

If you’re allergic to hard conversations… polyamory gon’ test you. You’ll need to:

• Express your needs without guilt

• Set and revisit boundaries often

• Own your feelings without blaming others

The best polyam people aren’t smooth talkers — they’re brave communicators.

💔 4. Get Familiar With Jealousy (It’s Not The Enemy)

Jealousy is not a red flag — it’s a message. Ask it what it’s trying to tell you:

• Do I need more reassurance?

• Am I comparing or competing?

• Am I feeling insecure or unseen?

Treat jealousy like a wave: ride it, don’t drown in it.

💞 5. Define Your Version of Polyamory

There’s no one way to do polyamory. Some folks do:

• Solo poly (no primary partner)

• Hierarchical poly (some partners take priority)

• Relationship anarchy (no default rules)

What matters is mutual understanding and consent. Don’t force yourself into someone else’s structure. Build what feels right.

🛑 6. Start Slow — Like Real Slow

New love energy (NRE) can have you ready to build a polycule overnight. Breathe.

Start with:

• One honest conversation at a time

• One intentional connection at a time

• Space between changes to integrate your feelings

You don’t need to prove you’re “good at poly” by rushing. Love with patience.

🤲🏾 7. Surround Yourself With Affirming Community

You don’t have to do this alone. Find people who get it:

• Online groups for Black, queer, or neurodiverse polyam folks

• Local meetups or discussion groups

• Friends you can trust with your truth

Polyamory can be isolating without community. Find your people.

Final Thoughts

Starting polyamory isn’t a relationship style — it’s a self-relationship revolution. Be gentle with yourself. You’re learning how to love differently, and that takes heart, courage, and curiosity.

And if you stumble? That’s okay. You're still unfolding.

🌱— Aeris Bloome